Anachronistic Beard: a new methodology to make sites work anywhere

[The stage is bare. A single spotlight snaps on. Into it walks Bruce, in a black turtleneck top]

Are you ready, folks? [Apple WWDC-style whoops and squeaks]

Are you READY folks? [Shouts of “Yeah!” and “Righteous!”]

Do you want your websites to work EVERYWHERE? [people faint with excitement]

Are you ready to have your PARADIGMS SHIFTED? [Not a dry seat in the house now]

Today, we’re introducing a brand-new paradigm-shifting design methodology called…

Anachronistic Beard.

beard

Logo: “Beard” By iconsmind.com

What is “Anachronistic Beard”?

It’s a revolutionary way of making websites so they look good in iOS 9 with external fonts turned off, work well for Opera Mini’s 250+ million users, and in Chrome, Opera, Firefox, IE, Edge, whether you’re using a computer, a phone, a tablet, a phablet (you’re not, are you?), with or without assistive technology.

How can I leverage these game-changing synergies, going forward?

Glad you asked! Here are the technical details.

Why is it called “Anachronistic Beard”?

A previous version of Anachronistic Beard has been available, built into the very design of the web, for decades. But it was called “Progressive Enhancement”, which is boring, and it didn’t have a logo.

So, encouraged by the success of things like Moustache, it’s been rebranded by a team of expensive Birmingham-based Consumer Insight Engineers. With this new name, those of us who are too old to be hipsters can legitimately claim that we were doing Progressive Enhancement, before it was cool.

Join our revolution, before everyone else hears about it. Happy Bearding!

2 Responses to “ Anachronistic Beard: a new methodology to make sites work anywhere ”

Comment by Charlie

[Not a dry seat in the house now]
I’m slightly worried by this! Or have you been practising your arts down the old people’s home again? 😉

Nice to see an icon set for us beardies!

On a more technical level I think there’s uncertainty as to how much data gets slurped when typefaces from Google, Typekit, et al. are in use.

Comment by Michiel

After I read this article I immediately called for an emergency meeting with all our developers! Every last one of them was amazed by this awesome new technique! We talked and discussed for hours just to take it all in.

The thing with web fonts is that not everyone has knowledge of the impact it has on performance. While it might look pretty in your design tool, four different weight of a web font has a large impact if all those files are around 200kb’s. And if you add another family you’re in way more trouble.

The key is knowledge.

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