The current crop of trouble-makers are the Red Shirts – supporters of ousted and exiled Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra. Shinawatra is a deeply unpleasant scumbag businessman turned politico. After his election, a programme of extra-judicial killings of suspected drug-dealers was ordered, with many photos appearing in the press of bodies shot at close range through the back of the head while miraculously resisting arrest while they had their hands and feet tied.

A raid on a mosque in muslim Southern Thailand left 50 prisoners dead after they had been stacked like logs on the back of lorries in the heat for hours. Thaksin said that it was the mens’ fault for weakening themselves through the Ramadan fast.

So there’s nothing to love about Mr Thaksin, except… except… he was elected by a landslide, was the first Thai Prime Minister to serve a full term. He introduced a range of policies that reduced rural poverty by half in four years, the country’s first universal healthcare program, and his re-election in 2005 had the highest voter turnout in Thai history. He was ousted by a military coup while overseas allegedly because of corruption (which he almost certainly was; corruption is epidemic in Thai politics). That’s the trouble with democracy, you see; sometimes, the people vote for idiots or villains.

The group opposing the Red Shirts, the PAD (Yellow Shirts), are the group that shut down Bangkok airport in 2008, causing incalculable damage to the Thai economy during the peak season. They are widely believed to be supported by the Queen and represent the elite of the country—the traditional old guard of aristocracy. Wikipedia sums it up perfectly:

“The Asian Human Rights Commission has noted of the PAD and their agenda that, ‘although they may not describe themselves as fascist, have fascist qualities.’ Citing the claimed failure of popular democracy in Thailand, the PAD has suggested constitutional amendments that would make Parliament a largely royally-appointed body. It has openly called for the military and Thailand’s traditional elite to take a greater role in politics”.

What the whole sorry situation shows is that while Bangkok is a primate city full of millionaires, Porsche cars, skyscrapers and aircon shopping malls, the rural poor in Thailand (most of the people) are as marginalised as ever. The traditional elite pretended a romantic idolisation of the farmers while either ignoring or despising them (much like Russian communists’ relationship with their peasantry), so the poor had to look to a nasty, authoritarian telecoms billionaire to hurl them some cash to buy their votes.

Meanwhile, we hope that my wife makes it safely back home before some idiots shut down the airport again.

On Consumerfest eve, one of my sister-in-law’s cows had a baby (which we called “Christmas”) and, this being Thailand where “if it’s got four legs and it’s not a chair, we eat it”, the placenta was too good a raw material for a meal to be left in the fields.

So here’s how to cook cow placenta soup.

1. Take placenta
2. Wash it thoroughly
3. Boil for an hour to soften it
4. Cut galangal and herbs, add to pot
5. Chop all into bite-size pieces
6. Simmer for an hour
7. Serve with minced raw buffalo in its own blood
8. Add toast and coffee for a delicious Christmas breakfast

How did it taste? Not as nice as it sounds, but not too revolting, actually. It reminded me of liver with its offal taste and also of heart’s chewy texture. Basically, the cheaper cuts of meat that most of the UK abandoned fifty years ago when most people got rich enough to eat chicken and other less internal cuts of meat. The minced raw buffalo is like spicy steak tartare.

Christmas dinner was more traditionally English: I barbequed six chickens stuffed with sage and onion, and we cooked roast potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower with Christmas pudding and cake.

Prices below cover all accommodations, transportation, inflatable kayaks, equipment, meals, and guiding. They don’t include transportation to the starting point, visa fees, nor accommodation before or after the trip. It also assumes a minimum of five paddlers. Please contact Steve directly if you’re interested.

Paddle the 4,000 Islands of Laos

Jan. 16-29 (Wed.to Sun.) and Feb. 13-17 (Wed.-Sun.): Five days paddling through the 4,000 islands created where the Mekong, barred by a fault line, braids to 14 km. wide. The geologic slip has created Southeast Asia’s largest waterfalls (more water than Niagara) an obstruction which blocks navigation. US$940.

Down a Winding River to a Mekong Gem

Jan. 25-27 (Fri-Sun), 2008: This trip combines the beauty of the foothills surrounding Luang Prabang with the charm of paddling into one of the most beautiful towns in Asia. We’ll sleep in homestays and experience village life, visit a beautiful waterfall, run some rapids, visit a quiet Buddhist monastery, and pay our respects at the grave of one of Asia’s most fearless explorers, Henri Mouhot. Along the way, we’ll see how villagers and fishermen utilize the river in their daily lives. US$490.

Cambodia: Siem Reap recommendations

While I’m busy recommending South-East Asian fun, I recall that I had a tricky time finding recommendations about Cambodia that weren’t aimed at cheapskate backpackers or sex tourists. So here’s my recommendations; I don’t claim that these are cheaper or better than their competitors, only that they met my needs. They were accurate in August 2007.

Siem Reap hotel

I stayed at the Golden Orange hotel. It’s US$1 by tuk-tuk to the main bar street or a 15 minute amble, and costs US$20 per night (for the twin room, rather than per person). I booked three nights and got a free airport pickup and free breakfast every day.

Rooms were very clean, with aircon and ensuite with hot shower, a fridge and free water. There was free internet. The staff arranged my tuktuk driver for three days, my bus to Phnom Penh and a massage, all at decent prices. I was so comfortable, I extended my stay by a night.

Only slight downside is that the owner’s wife has a small pet dog which patrols the second floor at night. It’s entirely harmless, but can bark occasionally so light sleepers should ask for a different floor.

Siem Reap restaurant and dancing

I thoroughly enjoyed the apsara dancing upstairs at the Temple Bar. It was free to those eating or drinking. The US$5 Khmer buffet was very good, too— as was the fish amok served in a coconut.

Cambodia: Phnom Penh recommendations

Phnom Penh hotel

I stayed at the Tonle Sap Guesthouse, a few metres from Sisowath Quay. It was a functional and clean room for US$18. The Pickled Parrot bar downstairs had good food and beer, and the owners were very helpful about organising a taxi for me to see the Killing Fields and Tuol Sleng.

Phnom Penh restaurants

I was very well fed round the corner from my hotel at La Volpaia, which was recommended to me by an Aussie NGO worker. I had great Italian food in aircon splendour, and a glass of good (chilled!) red wine, for about US$12.

For breakfast, I enjoyed watching the world passing by on Sisowath Quay from the pavement tables of Rendezvous, a French establishment.

While some water boiled and some lemongrass and herbs were added, James played with the corpse—it make an excellent substitute train-set.

The scales were scorched and scraped off over fire, seen in this video.

Then, it was gutted and chopped, and after a few minutes it was ready.

It was a lady snake, and so the eggsac was given to me as the guest of honour. It was about the size of my thumb, slightly chewy, but delicious. (Full gallery).

Chalermchai’s temple is pure white (see gallery), which makes it shine magically in the Thai sun. The entrance to the main prayer hall has a disconcerting sea of hands, reaching out from hell to beg for help.

The wat is still under construction; Chalermchai reckons it will take another 70–90 years to complete, and it’s was splendid to see the workshop full of unfinished giants and dragons.

Then came the obligitory mug to the camera with Ajarn Chalermchai and get some beautiful signed prints of his paintings which he sells to raise money for the building work. This is a fabulous place, and well worth a visit if you’re in Chiang Rai.

Consequently, you never eat on your own. In the village, people rarely say “hello”; they greet each other with “kin khow reu yang?” (“Have you eaten yet?”). If the answer is negative, you sit down and join the host.

So when I rashly promised to cook traditional English Christmas dinner for the family, I knew that I was probably cooking for an unknown number. Should you ever find yourself in a similar situation (and you never know …) here’s an illustrated guide on how to make roast pork, stuffing, potatoes, boiled vegetables, and Christmas pudding for an indeterminate amount of people on a two-ring gas burner.

What you need:

• Freshly-slaughtered pork (no photos of the kill, not cause I think you’re too squeamish, but because I was. Suffice to say it’s far more bloody and noisy than I’d imagined.)
• Three kilos of potatos, broccoli, carrots from the market
• Stuffing, gravy granules, three large Xmas puddings (all from Sainsbury’s and carried over)
• vast hordes

1. First, take your pork. Cover it in pounded garlic, shallots, and half a bottle of Sang Som, the Thai rum. Marinade overnight.

2. Now, here’s the clever bit. Crack open a few beers and supervise others doing the rest of the cooking.

3. Enlist help wrapping three kilos of potatos in foil, and making up three packets of stuffing. Make large dishes out of foil to hold stuffing.

4. Get two strapping lads to make a fire and a makeshift grille. Place foil-wrapped potatoes in the fire, and roast the pork and foil-wrapped stuffing.

5. Set up a bar and bartender.

6. On the gas burner, boil the vegetabes on one ring while steaming the Xmas puddings on the other. Once veg is boiled, use that gas ring – and the water – to make the special secret-recipe sauce.

7. Wait.

8. Carve.

9. Serve.

We counted a maximum of twenty-eight people (the count reached its zenith during desert, largely due to the remaining half bottle of rum making quite a conflagration of the puddings once set alight).

Christmas day

After the feast on Xmas eve, I wanted a nice relaxing Christmas day. It began by out taking a pick-up truck full of friends and family to a Karen village, where we went elephant-riding.

Then, I had a Thai massage. In the West, Thai massage has a sleazy reputation as being a euphemism for prostitution, but the traditional style is anything but sexy, being a manipulation of all the limbs and main muscle groups. Thais believe that blind people do the best massage as they rely on touch alone, and I had a massage each day from the local blind guy. As he spends most of his time massaging the bodies of farmers, you can imagine that he’s a pretty vigorous masseur. It reminds me of how I feel after karate training, both relaxed and energised.

Then, in the evening, there was a display in the town centre by a Chinese Acrobatic Circus.

(If you’re interested, there’s more photos of Moo Baan Farm village, but at 500 pictures, it’s probably more than someone from outside the family could stand.)

Other holiday highlights

Where to start? The food (photos to make Jeremy Keith cry with envy); the beach; seeing old friends like my old neighbour, Steve Van Beek and his wife Piyawee before they went off to lead one of their amazing tours; hanging with Johnny (and the view from his 30th floor apartment – check out all the photos); meeting Sha-la-la, Masako and Tong‘s baby; meeting Petchuda again, ten years after she recruited me to Amnuay Silpa school, and being remembered by my old student, Annita; taking my old colleague Nit and her son Boat out …

Thanks to all of you for making it such a splendid three weeks.