Bruce Lawson's personal site

I hate Christmas music

Now, I freely confess that I am a 100% bah-humbugger when it comes to Christmas, but xmas music still drives me wild with fury.

Confusingly, from an atheist who would rather get testicular leprosy than religion, the least offensive Christmas music that can be broadcast at you when you’re walking around the supermarket is traditional Christmas carols sung by proper choirs. This is relatively easy to blank out, being tuneful, quite gentle and thus eminently ignorable.

No, the xmas music that really raises my blood pressure the modern popular xmas genre. For one, it’s fabulously cynical; we can assume that the writers of Victorian carols at least believed what they were writing and genuinely wished goodwill to all mankind (except the females, colonials and workers, of course), but I can’t believe that Bruce Springsteen *really* felt much when he made his repulsive cover of "Santa Claus is coming to town".

Secondly, pop xmas stuff is too damn loud. I read somewhere that Slade’s contribution to this sorry genre was recorded during the summer. Noddy Holder’s fade out "IT’S CHRISTMAS" squawk is a fantastic impersonation of a pissed-up overly-sentimental Brummie on Xmas eve (and trust me, I’ve absolutely nothing against pissed-up Brummies), but it is an aural assault when tannoyed at me while I’m trying to get parsnips for Sunday lunch.

The very very worst example of the modern Xmas song is Lennon’s "Merry Xmas (War is Over)". This is a crime against humanity for several reasons:

The woman who sold me my cheese at the deli counter told me she was dreading next Saturday when "They turn on the Xmas music". I’m not surprised: when the U.S. played horrid music to Iraqi prisoners to break their will, Amnesty International were seriously concerned. They should visit Birmingham supermarkets. With earplugs.

(This post was written for the grumpy old people blog.)

54 Responses to “ I hate Christmas music ”

Comment by Matt

What your problem?! Dissing Lennon, it’s actually guite easy to live by those lyrics. War is Over if you want it. It’s that simple, they ovbiously dont want it, so they will obviously pay the consequences. Bring the troops home and stop this nonsense ‘war’ on ‘terrorism’. The biggest terrorists are the U.S.A army

Comment by Robert

Juck despise depressing cheesy $Xmas songs…It looks like its just a matter of days till they start blasting it in shops, malls etc. Going to listen to trance, techno etc all the time, blot the irritating/depressing cheese out, boah!…Can’t stand this so depressing $Xmas pop cheese…Including that awful depressing 80’s song by Wham ‘Last Christmas’ *vomit* :(((((

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